Marriage?

I recently read an article which stated that in a recent poll 80% of single women have no desire to be married. I don't know how accurate this figure is but I can tell you that it shocked me. I have always blamed men and a fear of commitment as the reasons for the common law state of most relationships, but according to this poll, I was wrong. I would like to ask the 80%: why? Why wouldn't you want to be married? What is your concept of marriage? Have we, as a society, given such a poor picture of marriage that our young people don't want anything to do with it? That's sad. Truly sad.

Let me set something straight right away: I love my husband, he is the love of my life, and I love being married but that doesn't mean that life isn't hard sometimes. Whenever two people begin to grow into one person, there will be rocky days and struggles, but that doesn't mean that just because it's hard that we throw in the towel. The Bible tells us that we are to love like Christ loved the church: He laid down His life for it. We need to love like His example. That means putting the other person first, not ourselves. It means that sometimes we need to not be so concerned with 'what do I get out of this relationship?', but rather we need to concern ourselves with 'what can I add to this relationship?'.

When we are dating we try to capture that person's heart. We hope that they like us and eventually love us. We try to make ourselves more attractive to them and show an interest in what they enjoy. We woo them and  try to win them. But sadly, once a marriage takes place the wooing stops and because we've won them, we stop trying to capture their heart. I believe this is one of the major reasons why marriages fail today. In the first place our society has made marriages disposable. It is socially acceptable to divorce or leave a husband if things aren't going your way. Nobody will frown on your decision and you go on with your life and find a new person to share that life with. Because marriage is so disposable and divorce is so acceptable, we can fall into the attitude of not trying to make a relationship work and that is dangerous ground.

As Christians we should have marriages which are examples to all those around us. We should have strong, healthy relationships that encourage others to strive for that bond in their own lives. I believe there are steps that we can all take to ensure that we have a vibrant, dynamic marriage which will encourage young people to want marriage once again. Here are just a few suggestions to keep your marriage on the right track:

1. Show your mate that they matter. Look for ways to affirm them every day. Share kisses and long hugs on a frequent basis. Greet them at the end of the day like you did when you were dating.

2. Give them the attention you once did. It's easy to get busy or preoccupied with 'stuff'; some of its important and sadly some of it isn't. It's easy to allow things to distract us from what is truly important. Spend time looking each other in the eye and listening every day. Quality time is important but so is quantity time too. Your mate should be your best friend, the one you want to spend time with, doing things together.

3. Show an interest in the things that they do. Do you brush off their interests because they don't interest you? Find something you can do together. Remember you are trying to win their heart.

4. Be romantic. Flirt with your mate. Leave love notes where they'll find them. Call them at work just to say you miss them. Be loving. Let them know that you're glad they're yours.

5. Be polite. Do you remember when you were dating? When you were trying to capture their heart? Manners meant something. It's easy to let things, like manners, slide once we're married but we shouldn't. A lack of manners shows a lack of respect for the other person. Remember to thank them, don't take them for granted. Be considerate of their feelings, it shows you care.

6. Encourage your mate. Brag on your mate. Let them know that you think they're pretty special. Show the world what a great mate you have.

Christian marriages should be such an obvious picture of love and passion that the world would see what God intended marriage to be. This is so important because marriage mirrors the love relationship between Christ and the church.

"Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it," Ephesians 5:25

Maybe you are not married but you are afraid to enter into marriage because of marriages you have seen in the past which have failed. Let me encourage you to seek God's plan for marriage according to His Word. Read the Word and see what it says about marriage and then pray the Lord would help you find a mate who wants the same thing. 

Maybe you are married but you stopped the wooing, stopped the romance and because of that you have lost your mate's heart. Let me encourage you to start today to win that heart back. It can be done. It's God's will for marriage to be a  strong and healthy union, but that doesn't happen if two people are not willing to work on it and spend each day building each other up and showing their love to one another.

“And be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

“Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not promote itself, is not puffed up, does not behave badly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” 1Corinthians 13:4-8

“… the LORD hath been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously: yet is she your companion, and the wife of your covenant.” Malachi 2:14