I have been driving my husband crazy these past couple of days. His biggest complaint is that I never sit down. He says that I am constantly moving and doing and asks why I just can't relax. He doesn't understand. He tries but he can't understand because he is not a mama. We have just taken our daughter to university for the first time and said our good byes and left her, seven hours from home.
I'm happy that she is in an excellent university (www.kingswood.edu) and surrounded by other Christian girls her own age. I'm thrilled that God has called her to be a school teacher and I'm excited that He is opening doors we never thought would open for her. Yes, I AM happy. But I'm lost. My nest has been torn apart. My baby is gone.
Our son is about to be married next month and although he will only be living one hour away, he is still leaving home; leaving the nest. Our other son is getting married seven months after that. My nest is not needed anymore. The chicks are ready to be on their own.
I knew this day would come and in some ways I am actually looking forward to spending alone time with my husband. We're already planning day trips and spending Saturday's reading together. But for now my heart is grieving so I keep moving. There is always laundry to do and things to tidy up and storm windows to put on and weeds to be pulled in the garden and things to bake and organize and DO so I don't have to sit still with my thoughts and fall apart like my nest.
I know other mothers face this same time in their lives and I know you understand; but for those of you who aren't there yet, hold on to your babies while they're still in your nest because all too soon, they're ready to leave. It comes on you so fast, just like lightening and it can leave your head spinning. Many mothers have shared that when their children left home they immediately launched into a full renovation project and turned their child's bedroom into a sewing room or a work out room. I'm not ready to do that.
For now I will rebuild my nest. I will establish a new routine. Do new things and keep their rooms kept up for when they can come home to visit. I still have my nest. I will still build a home, a safe haven for them to come to, it will just be a different nest.
I probably will slow down eventually and won't be constantly 'doing' but for now 'doing' is better than moping.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us that "He hath made everything beautiful in its time". I know that I serve a Lord Who loves me and cares for me. I know that He and only He can take my time of grieving and turn it into something beautiful. So I will rely on Him. I trust Him with my heart.
I want to leave you with a special verse that has helped me so much. I know it will bless you too!
Psalm 30:11 "You have turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."
My good husband tries to understand a mother's heart but God DOES understand and only He can turn my wailing into dancing and clothe me with joy!
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