From My Brokenness

It is a crisp January morning. There is no snow here in the southern part of Nova Scotia, but the grass is frozen and crunches under my feet as I walk to the bird feeders to make sure they're full. The chickadees are calling out a warning to each other that a 'human' is in sight and they flit from the spruce tree inside our fence to the big one just outside it. The pond is still and frozen, the decoys firmly in place, trapped by the skim of ice and the apple trees are just cold, bare branches. I can see the dogs' breath as they run and play. But the sun is shining and I can feel its warmth as I turn my face towards it. 

I love mornings like this when the world is quiet and still and even my breath seems reluctant to move on the air. It's peaceful and calm. It provides a quiet time with the Lord and I am thankful that He is with me. I feel Him beside me and I know He is there. I can praise Him gladly on a morning like this. I can give Him praise with gusto and there is joy in every fiber of my being. 

But there was a time in my life when my praises weren't so hearty, they were broken because I was broken and wounded inside. It felt like the entire world was against me. I had been accused of a terrible thing and many people believed it. I had no way to right the wrong, no way to defend myself, seemingly no one on my side. My family drew close to me and provided the warmth my heart so desperately needed but there was literally no where I could go outside of my home where I wasn't met with frosty glares and whispers behind hands. 

It was at that time when I fully realized that God accepts even broken praise. Through my tears, through my agony, I cried out to Him and He heard me. He never left me. He stayed beside me and comforted me through His Word. I lived in the Psalms. They were my constant companion. I hungrily devoured their words and fed on them. My praise at times was just a pitiful sound but it was praise. I thanked the Lord for even this circumstance because I knew He had allowed it and had a reason for it. I knew that He would bring me through it stronger than when I began. 

So I trusted and I waited and I cried and I agonized and I trembled, but I praised. I recently read the lines of a song which expresses how I felt at that time ‎"When all that I can sing, is a broken hallelujah; When my only offering is shattered praise.
Still a song of adoration, will rise up from these ruins, I will worship You, and give You thanks. Even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah." Even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah. With my last breath I will praise the Lord. 

It may feel like winter in your heart right now, but let me assure you that if you praise Him anyway, He can bring you joy like springtime. There may be frost all around you, but He alone can warm your heart. Praise Him anyway. When you do He will separate you from your circumstances so you can praise Him. It may only be a broken praise right now, but God accepts any praise. You may not feel like it but praise Him anyway even from your brokenness.