What About People Who Keep Hurting You?

Colossians 3:12-13 
 ¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

I have tried all my life, to live by these words. I have tried to be compassionate and show kindness. I have tried to be humble, gentle and patient. I have tried to 'bear with each other', putting up sometimes with a lot! And I have always tried to forgive quickly because I know how much the Lord has forgiven me of. But I always thought that if I did all those things that I could change how someone thinks of me. But it doesn't. Just because I forgive someone of something they have done against me, doesn't mean their opinion of me will change for the better or that they will stop being cruel or hateful or change their behaviour in anyway, because it is not about them. It IS about how I react to them and their behaviour and that is the key.

I have several faults, just like everyone else, but one of my main faults is that I want everyone to like me. I say this is a fault because it's an unrealistic expectation. Not everyone is going to like you or want to be around you and that's ok. But the one thing you can control is your reaction to them. If someone has treated you unkindly, then yes you should forgive them, not for their sake but for your own. Unforgiveness will cause your heart to be hard and could eventually separate you from the Lord. But no where in the Scripture does it tell you that you have to be around that person.

If a child touches a hot stove, they learn that this thing hurts them and they don't touch it again. If the neighbourhood dog rushes out to meet you each time you walk past and bites your leg, you don't walk on that side of the street again. Sometimes, because of their own pain, people will lash out at you and cause you hurt again and again. It may even seem that there is never a kind word that comes out of their mouth towards you. Let me give you a piece of advice: forgive them (thereby freeing yourself) and love them (which is Scriptural) but love them from afar. Don't keep trying to make them love you or treat you better because they are not capable of it until they have a genuine change of heart that can only come from God.

Be encouraged though because the Lord Himself has said that He would be with us always. We will never be alone, as long as we have Him in our life. He wants us to forgive those who persecute us but He doesn't say that we have to keep going back to the whipping post again and again, allowing people access to hurt us all over again. So love much, forgive often and surround yourself with people who will add to your life, not steal joy from it. God bless.